ok, lets go back in time...like 2 weeks ago.  sounds like it's a long ago huh?  well, ok...

late at night, i felt like something was wrong with me.  on a friday night, instead of going out with friends, dancing or watching a movie, i sat home, googling.  during that time, i just broke up with a date earlier that day, so i felt really sad.  but a part of me kept on thinking, why am i late on my menstrual?  could it be that i'm stressed out?  but wait a minute, i'm almost two weeks late.  what are the symptoms of getting pregnant.  boom, i got like 6 out of 10 symtoms listed on the websites.  then i took a short quiz, and yes, result was 66.7% that i was pregnant.  desperate to find out the truth, and this is already 1am, saturday, every store is closed.  so stayed up all night, worried, couldn't sleep, and half sad because of the broken heart.

saturday morning, 10am, business opened.  went in and out.  got home, less than 5 minutes...there i was pregnant.  can't believe what i saw.  did the second test.  damn it, again.  called up the guy.  told him the news.  our whole weekend just went out the window.  i lost two days of my life, not knowing just what happened.  i cried and cried, like i was not going to live through.  him?  of course he was devastated.  did he even smile at all?  hell no.  the first thing that came out of his mind was, he is not ready to settle down and that he can't be a father.  so abortion is the best thing.  then monday came, went to planned parenthood.  yes, i was 4weeks, 4 days preggo.

ok, for the last whole two weeks. we fought a lot.  i was always angry.  him trying to act like he cares so that i would get an abortion.  what do i know, i was right.  he was only pretending to.  because my abortion appointment is this friday, and guess what?  i changed my mind.  and then to no surprised, all he said was, he's going to disappear on me for a long time, then hung up.  the hell with him.  he's not going to be a part of my baby's life.  he was never there to begin with.  he's already made up his decision that he wants nothing to do with the baby, so what gives him the right later.  he has gave up his right.  so i'm going to just suck it up, move on and live my life.  i am upset now, but not sure of what.  i promise to write about this whole journey.  as for now, i am 5 weeks 4 days.  until tomorrow, who knows what might go through my head. 

Ok check this out.  NOT sure of what my situation is.  IRA account is done.  (yes, it's gone).  Saving?  What saving?  All cleaned too.  Now, checking account is $20 short.  Meaning, I owe them $55.  Gee, that really sucks big time.  The good thing is, I don't owe any credit card anything.  Thank God.  Alright, I got $350 for Chinese New Year.  Yes, I still get red envelop even at this age because I'm the baby of the family.  Anyway, I have 2 books to buy, still owe the school like $150 for tuition.  So that leaves me with just $200.  Oh and the money I owe the bank.  Gee, I literally have with just only $145 left.  So with two books to buy, I think I can try to manage the old, beat up used books...if there's any available. 

Living condition:  renting for $1600.  Really think about it, it's San Jose here.  I can manage to move to an apartment, and it would be roughly about $1000 per month.  I have to have $2k for deposit, first and last month's rent.  This is why I stay here this month still. 

Job?  No one has hired me yet.  But I got a job offer to work for a 3 months period.  That's enough to last me another 3 months, but I start in March.  So meanwhile, how will I corellate the money and fees I have until the first pay check?

Mood:  I feel like crap, but still smiling.  NO point on feeling like a victim.  I can cry a river and still be broke.  So I just live from day to day, trying to enjoy the sun and flowers, keeping positive thoughts, and breathe.  Hey, it's not that bad.  I don't have debt.  and I don't make money, I got nothing to loose.  Hahaha...But I do feel crappy still at times though.  How do I get out of this mess?  WHO IS HIRING? 

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